How therapy changed my life

I was first offered therapy in the early 1990’s when I was diagnosed with depression at fifteen years old. My doctor had been worried about my self destructive behaviours and low moods. I had been raped and had told nobody about it. Sadly, I was not encouraged to go to the therapy by my parents, so I missed out. 

But, in my mid twenties, I sought out therapy, due to the mounting distress I felt from my increasingly out of control behaviours and low moods at the time. I had person-centred therapy, which helped me to build my self esteem, Adlerian Therapy which helped me to forgive my mother for her erratic behaviours and the schizophrenia she suffered with, and Psychotherapy to name a few. But, it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), that I was finally offered Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) via an NHS Clinical Psychologist called Kate (name changed). She used a person-centred and Psychological approach as well as CBT.

Kate wanted to know all about my childhood and young adulthood adversities to ascertain where my negative behaviours and depression had come from, giving her the key to understanding me and what I needed. By this time, I had been involved with drugs, alcohol and risky behaviours, and had anger issues which are linked to ACES (my Adverse Childhood Experiences). I also had very black and white thinking.

With patience and skill, Kate enabled me to learn new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving and taught me how each is linked to the other. Negative thinking would lead to negative feelings and then negative behaviours, cyclic in its essence. I couldn’t change my first thought but f I could change my subsequent thoughts, I could change my feelings and behaviours as a result. 

I also worked on my obsessive and compulsive behaviours by slowly but surely challenging them and using systematic desensitisation by doing the thing that I was fearful about in small chunks at a time. I had to learn to be patient, resourceful and to trust my resilience just as I trusted Kate to help me. 

My irrational fears were around leaving the house for fear of a fire or having left the door unlocked and other associated ideas, so gradually I left the house for five minutes, then came back to see that I had locked the door and nothing terrible had happened. Eventually, doing this gradually and with more frequency, I was able to leave the house for an afternoon, then a day, and be OK with it. Kate would also work through each fear by writing it down and then asking me, out of ten, how much I really believed the fear would happen. We would go back to them week on week so see if any of them had happened, thus proving to me more and more that they were just fears and worries, and not reality.

I wrote two memoirs twelve years ago about my life and experiences with BPD, OCD, anxiety, depression and recovery, which was cathartic for me and helpful to other sufferers, their families and mental health professionals. I mention Kate in them as she was such an integral part of my recovery (‘My Alien Self; My Journey Back to Me’ (https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Alien-Self-Journey-Memoirs/dp/1493784862) and a sequel called ’39’). I am now fifty years old. I used a pen name Amanda Green to write my books 

I wrote Kate a thank you letter as without her I didn’t know where I would have been without her help. She really did help me to turn my life around and the CBT skills I learnt stay with me always.

I was then referred to a Psychoanalytic group therapy, to encourage my social skills, which led onto my starting a counselling course. I then completed the diploma and the rest is history. I have now been a Counsellor/Psychotherapist in private practice for the past six years and I honestly think all my adversities and experiences with therapy myself have led me to this, so I can now help others as I was helped myself. I value personal therapy, and continue to have therapy whenever I need.

About me

I am a BACP Integrative Counsellor in private practice and now run a mental health tips group on Facebook where I post mental health tips of my own (https://www.facebook.com/groups/mentalhealthtips), I share videos on mental health on Youtube (https://www.youtube.com/@SandraDeanCounselling/videos) and write blogs on mental health on my website (www.thinkchangecounsellingtherapies.co.uk). I am a mental health advocate and try to break the stigma around talking about mental health.