Anger management - some techniques

In the moment…

Take yourself out of the situation if you can and wait 10 minutes to see if you can calm yourself down and see the situation differently.

If you cannot take yourself out of the situation, count to 10 and see if you can calm yourself down.

Ask yourself ‘Will it matter in a day, a month, or a year?’

Write down what you are angry about and why it matters and how much it matters. Then write down possible solutions if it is still bothering you.

Long term management…

Mindfulness - check in with your senses as often as possible - hearing, taste, touch, vision and smell. The more you are in touch with your senses and being mindful, the more relaxed and in the moment you will be.

Check in with yourself every morning/evening. How am I feeling? Mentally, physically and energy levels. Maybe you could prevent an angry outburst if you know you are already in a sensitive frame of mind.

Are there patterns of anger? Is there a sensitivity to someone or something happening (triggers) that you can be aware of? If so, you could make sure you take extra care when dealing with them.

Try to limit your alcohol - it inhibits our reactions to things and can cause anxiety the next day leaving us vulnerable in our emotions.

Notice if you are resentful or jealous about anything - it could be a trigger for anger.

Accept it if you have a part to play in circumstances - take responsibility

Anger is self sabotaging - look after yourself!

Let the past go. Don’t hold onto baggage.

Notice your internal dialogue - are you looking for things to be angry about?

Are you being criticised or do others expect too much from you or more than you are willing to give. Acknowledge this with them and point out your own needs and limitations.

Learn to communicate so that you can assert yourself or calm things down when necessary.

Make sure you are not holding onto shame or guilt - this can trigger anger amongst other things.

Even if we don’t have a choice about what is happenings we have a choice over how we react.

Use self control - we cannot control anyone else or certain things that happen in life, but we can control how we are and we feel good when we are in control of ourselves.

Write an unsent letter to a person or an emotion we are feeling. Get it all out on paper without the need for sensitivity. Many people find it helpful to rip it up afterwards as it helps to let it all go.

Visualise leaving your feelings at the door and close the door on them.

Do not play the blame game. Sometimes others are to blame and need to take responsibility but there is no need to blame self or others if it isn’t true.

Release anger in a safe way - via exercise or writing things down.

Is the anger triggered by sadness? This can often be the case. Sadness can make us feel vulnerable. Tackle the sadness.

Be grateful - thinking of three things a day that you are grateful for can help you to feel positive. 

Sit with your hands palms open to the sky in your lap with a half smile on your face - it is amazing how this little technique can brighten your mood.

If someone else is angry and it is not to do with you, let them ‘keep’ their emotions - do not own them for yourself. Maybe they are just having a bad day.

If you know something could be a difficult experience, learn to transition in and out of it. So, prepare yourself for a few minutes beforehand and when it is done, transition back out for a few minutes into what you are going to be doing next. Ideally something relaxing.

Is there something bigger underlying more petty things? Is there something on your mind that you have not dealt with yet? If you can find it, take time to overcome it.

If nothing can be done about the person or thing happening, work on acceptance. Acceptance does not mean we condone it, it is purely accepting that nothing can be done. If something can be done, do it. Talk to the person, set up a petition, try to resolve things.

Meditation - look up guided meditations for anger or relaxation. These can be really helpful. Youtube have many meditations for every mood. Check them out.

And most of all look after yourself and your needs. Self care is the most important thing when it comes to living a good life. Do nice things, notice nice things and enjoy life!